Just wanted to share an encouraging quote from Simple Abundance:

"Today, I want you to become aware that you already possess all the inner wisdom, strength and creativity needed to make your dreams come true. This is hard for most of us to realize because the source of this unlimited personal power is buried so deeply beneath bills, the car pool, the deadlines, the business trip, and the dirty laundry that we have difficulty accessing it in our daily lives. When we can't access our inner resources, we come to the flawed conclusion that happiness and fulfillment come only from external events. That's because external events bring with them some sort of change. And we've learned to rely on circumstances outside ourselves for forward or backward momentum as we hurtle through life."

I noticed that I have resorted to the habit of numbing myself every time my family flies back home. Perhaps it's the easiest way for me to get through the routine of work and going home to an empty flat. Although I have to say that fellowship with my colleagues has been awesome! It's just the initial feeling of loneliness that is still quite hard to deal with. When you're alone most of the time, your inner life is most active. The more alone time you get, the more your thoughts, emotions, fears and desires run loose in your head. Sometimes I get the urge to go on a shopping spree thinking that treating myself would alleviate the pain. But I learned..and now I'm fighting it.

Today I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Maybe I shouldn't have done that today.. I liked it a lot but it's the type of movie which you should be emotionally prepared to watch (eg. Forrest Gump).

"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance"

At the end of the day, no matter how shitty it may be, I cannot deny a feeling of gratitude. Everything and everyone that happened in my life is a culmination of who I am now.

I was a bit hesitant to start writing again..my life outside of work is still in progress and I was afraid to write something that I cannot end with a hopeful thought. But maybe that quote will do for now.